27 Stupid Things Sirius Finds to Do in a Elevator
by GoddessGirl1372
Summary: Lily takes the Marauders minus Peter blah! to a mall. But she makes a big mistake. Leaving them alone. What happens when they all get seperated? plz read and review! rated 4 lang
1. Into the Elevator

27 Stupid Things Sirius Finds to Do in a Muggle Elevator

By GoddessGirl123

A/N Ok, here's the first chapter of my newest story 27STSFTDIAME! Lol, anyway, enjoy!

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"Ok everyone, listen, this is the biggest mall in England, it has four levels." Lily explained as she walked into the building. She took off her white rimmed sunglasses and turned to sandy haired Remus, prankster Sirius, and her boyfriend James. James and Sirius looked extremely excited seeing as they had never seen a muggle mall before. Remus had been to a mall before, since his mom was a muggle but had never been to one this big.

"And I want everyone to stick together ok? Now, each of you are going to get a cell phone, see this is a list of each our numbers. If you need to call me or get separated from each other just press the button here, see? And then you will be able to call them and talk to each other." Lily explained quickly passing out the identical cell phones. James grabbed his and began flipping it open and closed. Sirius began playing with the ring tones. Remus simply slipped his into his pocket after setting it to vibrate.

"K, Remus, make sure they don't get into too much trouble, Sirius please don't play any pranks!" Lily said turning to each one. She gave James a peck on the cheek while saying "Love you, see all three of you in three hours at the Food Court, ok? I need to go meet the girls..." with that Lily turned around at left them standing by the entrance.

"Ok guys, where do you want to go?" Remus said looking behind him. They weren't there. "Guys? Sirius? James?" He spotted them over by a women's clothing store. They were looking at the dummies behind the glass window.

"What are you two doing?" Remus asked as he walked towards.

"We were just talking about how bad we felt for these guys." James said stabbing his finger in one of the dummies direction. "I mean, they're wearing awesome clothes but they like just stand there they can't move or blink or anything."

"They're called dummies. They don't move because they can't, they aren't alive! They're plastic." Remus explained as some muggle women looked at them strangely.

"Hey, I bet Sirius could get a job as a dummy!" James chuckled as Remus dragged both boys away from the window and down the hall.

"Shut up James..." Sirius mumbled. They continued to walk down the vast hall. Suddenly Sirius saw something. It was a big door. A big sliding double door.

"Oooooh..." Sirius whistled as he ran towards it. He looked at it and then saw a button. He quickly pressed it and the door opened. It was a tiny square room. Sirius ran in as another teenaged guy and two women came in behind him. As the doors slid closed one of the women moved forward and pressed the one with a big 4 on it. Suddenly, the room began to shake, it was moving up.

"AHHH!" Sirius screamed as the room continued to move. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! AHHHH!"

"Yo, man, chill." The teenager said as the two women looked at each other before staring at him strangely.

"WE'RE ALL GONNE DIE!" Sirius continued to scream as the elevator continued to move up slowly and as he gripped the walls tightly.

"You know what; we'll get off at level 3." One of the women said before hitting the number three and the doors opening.

"I'll come with you..." The teenager hurried out. The doors closed again and the room began to move up again. When it reached the top, the doors opened revealing a women and a little girl. When they stepped in, the doors closed behind them.

"Don't worry!" Sirius said loudly making them jump. "The doors will open again." He then moved carefully up to the buttons and pressed one randomly and quickly before jumping back. The doors opened on level three and the women moved out whispering to the little girl,

"Come along, Shannon. We'll use the escalator."

Sirius smirked. Now that he knew how the elevator worked, he could have some real fun!

"Watch out muggles, Black is on the loose!"

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"James, Lily doesn't want an electric can opener!" Remus said for the hundredth time.

"But they're awesome!" James said as he opened yet another can.

"Sirius, try and talk some sense into Prongs." Remus muttered. "Padfoot?" Remus said turning around.

"James, stop messing around with that and help me look for him!" Remus said desperately.

"You lost him!" James cried out

"You lost him! I told you to watch him why'll I looked over at one of those computers!"

"Which way did he go?"

"How should I know? Look, I'm gonna call Lily."

"Oh no you aren't!" James yelled out as Remus took out the phone.

"Why not?"

"Because she'll murder me!"

"No she won't!"

"Yes she will! She say, 'James you bastard, you let loose Sirius in a muggle public place with a wand? You stupid idiot, now your gonna have to deal with the fact that he blew up half the building and now is on the run from the ministry! And he will NOT be staying at our house!', that's what she'll say! And then she'll order me down stairs to sleep on the sofa and I'll be one sorry guy!"

"That isn't gonna happen, now I'm gonna call – hey! Give that back! JAMES GIVE ME THAT PHONE!" Remus yelled after James who had snatched the phone out of his hand and ran into a crowd.

"Damn, Lily is gonna murder me now!"

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10 Reviews if you want an update!


	2. Cell Phone Trouble

27 Stupid Things Sirius Finds to Do in a Muggle Elevator

By GoddessGirl123

A/N 11 reviews! That's awesome! Like in my other story, _Time Warp_, I won't be able 2 update very much. So enjoy while you can! Lol.

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Sirius stood in the empty elevator and looked around. _'What shall I do now?'_ he thought mischievously. Suddenly a business man on a cell phone came into the elevator he nodded his head to him as he hung up his cell phone. As he slipped it into his pocket, Sirius tapped him on the shoulder.

"Yes?" the man asked in a bossy tone.

"What?" Sirius asked looking confused.

"I accept as true that you gave me a diminutive tap on my shoulder on the dexter, how may I assist you?" The man said using long words.

"Um, wait what did you say?" Sirius said, now truly confused. "Who's Dexter? Why the hell did you name your shoulder Dexter?"

"Dexter is another word for right, you adolescent boy!" the business man said in annoyed fashion. "Now, why did you place your index finger on my _right_ shoulder?"

"Oh, it's called Rite now?"

"That's it; I'm exiting this lift in a most spontaneous way!" the business man left on his level, Sirius totally confused. He shrugged as two teenaged girls, about his age by the looks of them, came on.

"May I press the button for you?" Sirius asked politely.

"Of course, aren't you a charmer!" one of the girls said giggling along with the other.

"And where would two lovely ladies like your selves like to be going?" Sirius asked smiling.

"Top floor, number 4!" the other girl giggled as Sirius smiled too.

"What ever you wish." He pressed the button and then started shaking and making weird noises. He was pretending to be electrocuted. The two girls screamed and gasped in fright. Sirius couldn't take it anymore, he fell over laughing uncontrollably. The two girls stopped shouting and glared daggers at him. One of the girls quickly stamped on his hand with her high heel making him shout in pain. The other girl simply glared at him before exiting the lift with her friend.

"Damn, those girls were hot..." Sirius mumbled as he stood up and rubbed his sore hand.

The elevator rose up higher as it continued to level 4 (the girls, annoyed, hadn't even left the 2nd floor) and a man came on. Sirius held out his arm to stop the doors from closing. The man looked at him questionably.

"Waiting for my friend." Sirius explained as he continued to stand there. He began to whistle and look at his watch. After a few minutes, when the man was just about to get out and use the stairs, Sirius pulled back his arm.

"Hello, Greg." He said to the air. "How's your day been?" He nodded his head as if he was speaking to some one.

"Oh, that Bernie, he's such a pain!"

"You know what," the man said as they were reaching the 3rd floor. "I'll just get off here." He quickly left the elevator and ran down the hall.

"Now what?" Sirius said thoughtfully... "Hmmm..."

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"James! JAMES!" Remus yelled as he walked around the mall. They had to meet up with Lily in an hour, and there was no way that would ever happen if he couldn't find both friends soon.

"Sirius!" Remus yelled. "Damn, I wish I had my phone." He looked around. He saw small little shops and large ones, portable ones in the center, small stalls, trying to sell things nobody wanted. Then he saw something that made his heart lighten.

"A Cell Phone store!" he smiled as he walked up to a store that was called _'Cellular'. _It had several posters in the window that read things like 'Get Cellular today!' and 'Buy two get one free!'.

Remus looked around the circular room. At the far back there was a desk with 4 different people sitting around it talking to different people. The room's walls were covered in cell phones, cell phone covers, cell phone head phones, and different types of minute plans. Remus walked in and was immediately greeted by several people at once.

"Hello!"

"Good Day!"

"Can I help you?"

"Would you care for assistance?"

"Um, I just need a cell phone please." Remus said as he backed away from the sudden crowd of store managers.

"What color?"

"What type?"

"What size?"

"What ring tone?"

"Um, I have absolutely no clue." Remus said.

"Oh, first time cell phone?"

"We can help!"

"Razors are all the rage!"

"This cell phone is the perfect size to fit in your pocket!"

"All I need is a working cell phone!" Remus yelled above the voices.

"Would you like Cingular?"

"Verizon?"

"Cingular Wireless phones are very good!"

"Have you ever tried using a Nokia cell phone!"

"You look like a man who could use a Motorola phone!"

"Sony! You need a Sony!"

"T-Mobile has many good deals, let me give you some examples –"

The group moved closer to him throwing phones at him and trying to hand him head sets and wires. Remus backed into one of the shelves and several cell phones fell off the wall onto his head. He quickly caught one as it was falling and started to move towards the front desk through the sea of people who were still trying to sell him phones.

"I got a phone thank you!"

"I have no idea what type it is!"

"Let go of my leg, I said LET GO!"

He dragged the one desperate worker across the room, the others following him. He reached the desk and said,

"I want this phone, I don't care what type it is, if there's a better type, I don't want any plans, I don't friggin care what color it is, I JUST WANT A CELL PHONE!" Remus yelled over the loud voices.

"Ok, that will be 92.90 please, what credit card would you like to use?" The women behind the counter asked very, very, slowly.

"Here, just count out the money, keep the change, just make sure I'm able to use the phone right now!" Remus shouted above the roar of voices as he emptied his pockets. He had changed 100 galleons into 150 pounds, and was now dumping the money onto the counter.

"But the cell phone won't work until –"

"MAKE IT WORK!" Remus yelled angrily as he tried to kick the man off his leg.

"Ok, ok, here!" The women said handing him the cell phone back. "I'll make sure it'll work in 20 minutes or earlier!" Remus ran out of the room with the cell phone.

"No! You shouldn't have bought that one! It's not a T-Mobile! Those aren't reliable!" One of the workers shouted following him out of the room. The others followed too, shouting about how he had bought the wrong phone.

"Get him, he bought a Samson!" One of the workers yelled. Remus looked over hi shoulder, yelped slightly before running faster.

"These muggles are crazy!"

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James looked out from his hiding spot. Sure, this hiding spot wasn't the greatest place, but it was good enough. I mean, who would look in a gardening shop behind a huge potted plant? He had been running from Remus when he saw a place called _'The Bleeding Hearts'_ and found out that it was a gardening store that specialized in Bleeding Hearts.

He was now behind a large fern and had no idea what to do next. He had two cell phones and 100 pounds which Lily had given him. He could do any thing! And he was sitting behind a fern in a gardening shop.

"That's it, I'm gonna do something!" James said standing up.

"James, what are you doing here?" said a voice from behind him, making him jump. He turned and saw...

"Lily! What a pleasant surprise!"


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